So I have noticed how some of you use your words to play off other people, or to feed people what they want to hear. Sure we all do it from time to time, but where do you draw the line, instead of doing from time to time, your the person doing it constantly just to keep...everyone close to you, to feed your ego.
But I have caught on your little game, you telling me things that you know i want to hear, so that i'll stay around, feed your ego, feed your sexual needs. and then you go an tell me all the bad stuff that other people tell about me so i cry to you and bitch to you about how nasty those mean people are! Well sweetheart, eventually your own game will catch up to you, you talk about how a few of us have cheated on your or cheated on life, well...your not so great yourself, because deep down, we cheated because we knew you had already done it mentally, or where going to physically. Does that justify what we did or WHO we did, or..WHO'S we did. lol, ummm no probly not, two wrongs don't make a right, but they do make one hell of a left.
But I should admit, I do love hearing the stories about how other's view me, kinda feed of the "news". And...I also have annoucement to admit.... ALERT THE PRESS!...(drumm roll please)... I also keep you ALL around to feed my ego, because..life is about test, or life is one big dance right? Sure we had our shitty moments together, and our really hot sexual moments, and our spirtiual up lifting moments, and Now at this point of ...what shall we call it.. LIMBO, is it really just the truth to possibly say we are both just keeping eachother around for entertainment? True feelings?
Because deep down you and I both know that...if i wanted I could date anybody, just put on a mask and be little mis perfect, or Golddigger, or Bad Sex craved Women, or..the girl next door. but honey in all honesty that even i cant denie is that...you know the true me, no mask needed.
Like i noted before this year is a turning point to HAPPINESS..but...at what coast? or..at what persons expencise? You an I both know that I will have that house on the hill..no matter what. I know where I am going, I know the goals I have the dreams I have. I would like you to be part of them, but really aren't we both replaceable to eachother? Love is just about who brings the most to the poker table. The one with the highest Bid.
Well honey I am sitting at this poker tabel..all i need is one more player...wanna join?
Looking for the next bid.
Mare
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
as the snow falls....
So I know it's been a while, and...its time for an update, well...I have been home from utah, for about...almost 6 months, and so much has happened, adjusting to..living with the foks as really hard. I had a huge wake up call and kicked all my habits, I found love for me in my scriptures and tender mercies where shown to me by my heavenly father, I stopped doing so much wrong and holding so much hate, and started to forgive and...learn to say sorry. I stopped dating because..so far, I realize i dont want to waste my kisses on some guy..who in the end..was just a nobody.
I realize I had caused a lot of wrong when I had been giving the chance..to do a lot of good. I stepped on a lot of toes before I left and one thing that hasnt changed..is even when i say i am sorry to those i left behind..they cant seem to forgive, except for one person *buggy*. I found out that...that rest of you dont matter to me, and all i can do is say sorry an know that the rest of it is on you, an what you choose to do with that apologie is between you an god. I also have read in my scriptures that when we are judged at the last day, its not just a judgement between God an I ...but all will be in attendce, and that...when you *people who cant really forgive me* are judged at the last day, i will in attendence along with everyone else. I have made a new years resolution that when that judgement day comes, instead of everyone seeing all the wrong i did, i want them to see all the GOOD I DID and OVER CAME THE BAD!
But, as my internship with Gordon Orthodontics is comming to an end an its been wonderful and the best experience into the adult world of business.
but the most important annoucement that i want to make is ... I AM MOVING BACK TO UTAH!!! and...trying it all again, but things are different for me, my moral and goals are different.
I have this i guess you could call "love triangle thing" going on, i am being considered for reDATING along with a nother girl, sure this guy has feelings for both of us women, but we are both two different girls to be comparied to. and i see my self as a more mature and more "goal orianted" women and when i look at this other female, i see her as a stupid fake highschool girl, who still has so much to learn. and i just dont get how the choice isnt obvious here!! and i know as a women i should STAND UP FOR myself, mark my line in the sand, say no way! and not let myself be compared to someone else. That i should simply say, if you dont love me or care for me an only me. then your not for me! and make it obvious that i dont put up will bull crap. and secertly deep down, i dont know if even "REDATIN" is that great of an idea anyways, and if it didnt work before it wont work now, but we are totally different ppl then before an that if it could work, if he choose to be an honest man and kick her to the curb. and that i was an honest women and learned to control my anger and love the lord more. but i know..that this could be amazing if we both tried, but would trying be even an option?
and part of me...wants to see..if there is more out there, you know someone who would want to build a house on the hill with me, and not for me. someone..who works as a team and not as the head leader.
I want to fufill that dream as little girl and want to have that prince charming.
All i know is at the end of the day, that...I can only try to listen an be a good friend and understand to the best of my "understanding" lol.
and in the end, when the sun sets on all things, as long as he has happiness, even if i am not part of the happiness, that is what matters to me the most.
HAPPINESS!
Mare
I realize I had caused a lot of wrong when I had been giving the chance..to do a lot of good. I stepped on a lot of toes before I left and one thing that hasnt changed..is even when i say i am sorry to those i left behind..they cant seem to forgive, except for one person *buggy*. I found out that...that rest of you dont matter to me, and all i can do is say sorry an know that the rest of it is on you, an what you choose to do with that apologie is between you an god. I also have read in my scriptures that when we are judged at the last day, its not just a judgement between God an I ...but all will be in attendce, and that...when you *people who cant really forgive me* are judged at the last day, i will in attendence along with everyone else. I have made a new years resolution that when that judgement day comes, instead of everyone seeing all the wrong i did, i want them to see all the GOOD I DID and OVER CAME THE BAD!
But, as my internship with Gordon Orthodontics is comming to an end an its been wonderful and the best experience into the adult world of business.
but the most important annoucement that i want to make is ... I AM MOVING BACK TO UTAH!!! and...trying it all again, but things are different for me, my moral and goals are different.
I have this i guess you could call "love triangle thing" going on, i am being considered for reDATING along with a nother girl, sure this guy has feelings for both of us women, but we are both two different girls to be comparied to. and i see my self as a more mature and more "goal orianted" women and when i look at this other female, i see her as a stupid fake highschool girl, who still has so much to learn. and i just dont get how the choice isnt obvious here!! and i know as a women i should STAND UP FOR myself, mark my line in the sand, say no way! and not let myself be compared to someone else. That i should simply say, if you dont love me or care for me an only me. then your not for me! and make it obvious that i dont put up will bull crap. and secertly deep down, i dont know if even "REDATIN" is that great of an idea anyways, and if it didnt work before it wont work now, but we are totally different ppl then before an that if it could work, if he choose to be an honest man and kick her to the curb. and that i was an honest women and learned to control my anger and love the lord more. but i know..that this could be amazing if we both tried, but would trying be even an option?
and part of me...wants to see..if there is more out there, you know someone who would want to build a house on the hill with me, and not for me. someone..who works as a team and not as the head leader.
I want to fufill that dream as little girl and want to have that prince charming.
All i know is at the end of the day, that...I can only try to listen an be a good friend and understand to the best of my "understanding" lol.
and in the end, when the sun sets on all things, as long as he has happiness, even if i am not part of the happiness, that is what matters to me the most.
HAPPINESS!
Mare
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